jb0

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 00:45:10 GMT

God's curse upon America is irreversible, because America has persecuted WEe.
Westboro Baptist Church
(WEC Chronicles - Since 1955)
3701 SW 12" St. Topeka, Kansas 66604 785-273-0325 GodHatesFags.com
Religious Opinion and Bible Commentary on Current Events
Thursday, February 14, 2008
NEWS RELEASE
Thank God for the Shooter
at Northern Illinois Univ.
God sent the Shooter.
In His Wrath & Vengeance
Against an Ungrateful
Nation that has Forsaken
Him &Embraced Filthy Fags.
WBC will picket their
hypocritical funerals &
memorials & "vigils."
Yes. In religious protest & warning; to wit: "Be
not deceived; God is not mocked." Gal. 6:7.
God Hates Fags! & Fag-Enablers. Ergo, God
hates fag-dominated Northern Illinois Univ.,
fag-saturated Illinois, and fag-run America.
What part of this 12-word sentence don't you
idiots understand? "Thou shalt not lie with
mankind, as with womankind; it is abomination."
Lev. 18:22.

Uh...

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 22:21:37 GMT

i have a feeling no one reads my posts.

things have been okay to good lately. my mom is doing well. i'm definitely beginning to see her mood change back to "normal". There isn't as much tension as there was the week of dan's death. i think she got some comfort after taking many of dan's personal and household belongings. i wouldn't say our house looks cluttered, but more 'filled up'. dan's taste was kind of "old ladyish" but it makes my mom happy to have his stuff apart of our home now, so i don't mind.

it's my last semester of high school. it's weird to think i won't be going back next year. unfortunately i won't be going to a university right after because of my procrastination on filling out applications. i did decide to go to community college for a semester then transfer my credits over to UIC or Columbia though. You're probably thinking, "Columbia?! I thought you wanted to become a psychologist or something along those lines?" I am currently taking a psychology class and it's not intriguing me like i thought it would. I'm opening up my options and am thinking about taking some classes on interior design. we had a visitor at my high school the other day from Robert Morris College talking about degrees in design. i've always had an interest in some sort of designing (specifically interior/space designing). Hopefully I can get myself into some school by second semester of next year (preferably not community college).

While I'm on the subject of school, I'd like to let you all know that i did a 360 degree turn academically and in attendance this year. I was a little skeptical in believing that i could keep up my grades after the first quarter of this year. I always do well in the beginning of school, then when winter starts a comin', i go downhill. I've kept my grades to an A average so far and I only have 3 more months left. My attendance has been good also. Aside from missing a few days because of stress from dan being sick and work this past month, i average 1-3 "sick days" a month. Compared to last year, on average, I would miss between 7-9 days a month. Sweeeet.

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 20:45:02 GMT

It's been a week now since Dan's passing. I still find it hard to believe that he's gone. At the wake last Wednesday, I walked in the funeral home alone telling myself to stay strong. As I approached my mom I felt sick to my stomach and scared. Was all of this real? I avoided Dan's casket and wandered over to the picture boards. Dan was such a fun, goofy man. I don't think there was one picture that didn't put a smile on my face. If it wasn't his 70's orange haired afro that made me laugh, then it was him dressed up as bumble bee for halloween. If it wasn't him dancing in the streets that gave me a giggle, then it was him flexing his "muscles". While scanning all of his pictures, I realized why my mom loved him so much. He brought out a side of her that I've never seen anyone else do before. I remember my mom being somewhat uptight and set in her ways when I was younger. When she met Dan, I saw her loosen up and have fun. Even though I was sometimes sour/jealous over the bond they shared, deep down I was happy that she was happy.
When I was finished looking at photos and reading a few cards, my mom pulled me aside and started walking me towards Dan. I told her that I didn't want to see him because I was afraid. Once I saw him, I lost it. So much for staying strong. I kept muttering, "this is so weird." And it was. While staring at his lifeless body, I became so convinced that he'd come to, gasping for air and everything would be okay.
While my eyes were filled with tears, I saw Dan smirk. Now, i know that my tears made everything look distorted, but getting to see Dan "smile" while laying there comforted me.
My mom is keeping strong and I look up to her for that. Of course she's not the same mommy as before, but she says certain things that reassures me that everything will be okay. And it will.

I want to thank all of my friends who are there for me. Feeling loved motivates me towards becoming a better person. You guys are my world and if there is anything you need I will always be there. Giving back what you guys have given me is the least I could ever do. Know that you have, and will always have, my love.

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:33:02 GMT

R.I.P Daniel O'Brien Davenport - January 19, 2008.

I cannot believe you are gone.

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:13:07 GMT

i'm getting sick. i'm a little surprised since this is my first time getting sick this season. i'm usually stuck with a cold about every other week in winter.

i'm going to let my hair grow, grow, grow! the temptation of getting a hair cut for free whenever i want one is going to be rough. but i want my long hair back. remember when it was down to my boobs? yea, that was hot.

i've been connecting with my friends better lately. we've been having many intelligent, in-depth conversations. that is what it's all about.

i love the progression of my left arm so far. it's going to look amazing when it's finished. i can't wait.

i want a long haired chihuahua this summer. i'm going to adopt one for sure.

dan's doctors broke the news to my mom today about quitting the chemotherapy treatments. he is going to live here at our house once he is released from the hospital. we will be setting up a hospice for him.

ciao

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 07:22:47 GMT

i want to get away.
i'm sick of not having a gap between my thighs.
i want to change the channel; "Return of the Lost Lovers" on Jerry Springer isn't very appetizing.
summer needs to hurry up.

i am thinking about joining the armed forces. or becoming a police officer.

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 19:44:43 GMT

It's so cold in my house right now.
mmm, symbolic.

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 00:35:38 GMT

"The era of procrastination, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences."
-Winston Churchill

If you look what we've done, it is so easy to predict our future.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:55:09 GMT

Last night my mom told me that Dan has stage four cancer and that the cancer has spread to his bones. "Dan's future does not look good."

I have never felt so broken before. I don't want to eat, sleep, move, or interact with anyone. I force myself to do those things because I don't want to feel any worst.
I just started to appreciate Dan. We just began to bond and understand each other. Now all of that is being taken away from me. I told Savanah that there are times where I think the cancer is all my fault. I should know better than to think that but three years ago when my mom and Dan started to date, I would wish that something big would happen to Dan so that he would have to leave my mom and I. I didn't want someone else to be with my mom. That was my dad's job. But since my real dad hasn't been around, Dan has become my father figure. The man I look up to. The man that has treated my mom good. And the man that has wanted only what was best for me.

As I wipe my tears and struggle for deep breath from all this crying, I regret not getting a chance to express to Dan how much he means to me.

Last night I told my mom, "Tell Dan that I love him."
And I do.

Please, keep Dan in your prayers ... for me.
Thanks.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:24:53 GMT

Finally. Something I've been waiting for to happen; the feeling of happiness that has power over all of my sadness.
I've been having a difficult time dealing with a bunch of things recently and today I finally felt that things are going to be okay. I have something to look forward to. I've been longing to have something amazing planned for my future. Now that I have things planned I'm excited and can't wait. I can go about my day knowing that it's one day closer to achieving my dream of becoming independent and free. Free of being grounded and sheltered. Free of doing what I want.

I want to experience life with no boundaries. I want to go to school and become successful but I want to do it my way.

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 19:30:35 GMT

I'm back in that state. The state where I become horrible at communicating. I've always let things be until they catch up to me later on and take a huge bite out of my ass. "It doesn't affect me now, so I will deal with it later." I dig my holes so deep before I realize how deep and then I'm stuck. I have to work 10x harder just to solve my problems instead of working less from the git-go or not even having to acknowledge that there is a problem.

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:42:50 GMT

Everyone go pick up a copy of the Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. The book is filled with power, and if the insights don't leave you feeling overwhelmed with "energy" then you're screwed.

The weather is beginning to feel more like fall. I love the brisk, chilled air. The leaves dance upon the street and the noise of geese setting off their "it's-cold,-move-south-for-warmth" alarm excite me. I've handed out my invitation for winter already; hopefully it will show up soon.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 15:18:20 GMT

Yea, Savanah...you're right. You only live once. I really need to fucking live day by day and not worry about dying tomorrow. Who cares what happens when we die? It's the greatest mystery of living and I should be thrilled that I will sooner or later experience it (hopefully later!). I just hope that when I am on my death bed, I will be mentally prepared for what is going to happen next. For right now, I just need to accept death. And erase the thoughts of me dying in the near future. But like I told Jimmy...should I believe in God just in case there is a heaven and hell so that I don't go to hell? It's seems a little ridiculous worshiping some God since there is no proven fact there is one. What if I just have faith? There had to be something or someone that created us, right? People believe in the "big boom" or whatever...that organisms were generated and life came about. But who created those organisms? Who created galaxies and matter that exploded to cause the "big boom"? WHOWHOWHO?!!? So yes, I have come to the conclusion that there is a supreme being. And I will have faith that whatever he/she has planned for us after death will be justified and deserving of what our life once was. That is all.

Last night Chris inked me. I now have two identical diamonds on the back of each arm, right about my elbows.
I miss my friends. Seeing them on a regular basis is becoming rare. I've realized that once you grow up you don't share extremely tight bonds with one person anymore. Yea, people can still be ridiculously close. But since we're older we have more responsibilities like school, work, etc. There is rarely any time for those extreme bonding events like sleepovers and hanging out with each other 24 hours a day anymore. I miss that though. Then again, I am more than thrilled that I am becoming more and more independent with each day.

I need an oil change.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 23:56:26 GMT

Things are not the same.

I am scared and anxious.

Something exciting needs to happen soon. I am losing my mind.
No exaggeration.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 20:48:35 GMT

I go to school to learn and do well. Not to make friends and set a label for myself. I like it that way. I can concentrate on my work and avoid distractions.
I think that is why I get so frustrated being in the high school atmosphere. I hate how kids complain about how they're not being treated their age. Here's one for ya...act your age maybe? "Oh mannnn, I got so wasted this weekend! AND I'M 14 YEARS OLD! YA!" and "Oh my god, did you see that fight? It was like so cool!"
Another problem is respect. I'm walking down the halls and I have to dodge people who are walking incredibly slow, stop suddenly to talk to someone (have the decency to move to the side), and who are walking on the wrong side. Kids talk nonstop when the teachers are talking and the teachers have to count to three for the kids to shut their mouths. I thought they did that in elementary school?
I've always thought upperclassmen were mature and "cool" but they're far from that. They're probably as immature as the freshmen. Turning the lights off in the classroom to hide from the teacher isn't mature, guys.
I also hate when kids take advantage of the 'carefree' teachers. My Today's Problems teacher is extremely generous and laid back. She doesn't stand up to her students at all. During our test today kids were blurting out answers, talking loudly, and making comments on how the test shouldn't have been today (when we had reviewed for a whole class period the other day). If you don't take notes nor pay attention in class then you have no right to ask if the test can be rescheduled.
I hate ignorance more than anything. These kids know how to act but chose not to because it's the cool thing to do.
"I'm an immature rebel ftw!"

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 02:09:50 GMT

3.6 GPA ... whoop whoop.
White, '93 Jeep Cherokee Laredo is all mine!
Can you say good karma?

I MISS LAUREN.
I NEED A HAIRCUT.
I WANT TO SEE THE NEW CGI BEOWULF MOVIE.

I feel like I'm waiting for something. Waiting for a break.

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 03:47:03 GMT

I'm 18. Legal...?
What the fuck does that actually mean? Nothing really.
Wooo, I can purchase cigarettes and porn. How beneficial!
I can start earning credit; soon it will build and before you know it, I will be in debt up to eyeballs. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy. (knock on wood that doesn't happen)
I will be a broke, emphysema ridden, boobie viewer soon.

I bought myself a new phone with a contract.
16309747145 is my new number.

I need to start looking for a new car.
Smoke spewing out from the hood can't be good, right?
;)

bye bye friends. it's off to working two jobs i go.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:42:27 GMT

I haven't been updating this consistently like I have in the past.
My apologies to whomever has interest in reading about my life.

School is going well. I have already missed 2 days of classes. But to everyone's surprise, I am fully caught up. I have yet to miss an assignment. I'm being 100% optimistic with this year. It is my goal to succeed to my fullest; meaning that I should be expected to receive A's and B's in all my classes. And I say that in the most humble way possible. Blah blah, I've said this all before.
The receptionist job is also going well. I have been accepted by everyone at the salon (the salon owners; my managers, the stylists, the clients, and the other receptionists). I am beginning to become included in inside jokes and the salon's "love", if you will. Farting, burping, cracking immature jokes... basically just fooling around, has become a huge part in my work day aside from doing my actual work; which has become fairly simple, though I may have a few questions here and there about booking appointments and such. All my anxiety towards my newer job has diminished.
Money saving, as you all know, has always been a huge issue with me. Being that I am still young and give in to careless buying impulses, I am no longer asking my mom for money. Even if it's for gas or something that I would expect her to pay for. I am not sure if it is just because I am banking a lot more dough than I have in the past, or if I'm more wise when it comes to money. I would like to think I'm more wise...duh. Maybe it's both! Whatever the case is, I don't see myself having empty pockets a week before my next pay check in the near future.
I will be an official adult in 3 more days. With everything going on in my life, I can proudly claim the title of being an adult. Age does not decipher a person's maturity level at all. But in my case, it does. So I'd like to think anyways. I might even be a little more mature than my actual age's expectations. Just three more years until my wishing to be a certain age is over. I'm good for now.

I have come to the realization that I write about the same topics with every journal entry of mine.
My life is obviously boring.

p.s.
my cat just fell off the filing cabinet.

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 02:38:24 GMT

I'm confused. The one thing I thought we both wanted was to not drift apart once you went off to college. But here we are...drifting. I can feel it.

Why do boyfriends come before best friends/daughters? Why do boyfriends come before Jackie?
Sometimes I find myself being alone in this world. And sometimes it feels good.
Am I really that easy to let go?

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 23:02:34 GMT

It's been a while since I last felt this vulnerable and anxious. Starting a new job is always nerve wrecking because you don't know much...but at my new job (receptionist at Focas Hair Salon) I feel so rushed with learning my job and fitting in with everyone. I am never shy nor easily intimidated. But I think since everyone is so tight with each other they're not interested in me which makes me feel like utter poo. It adds onto my anxiety.
I've only been there three days. It will take some time until I am fully welcomed and appreciated (obviously). I really hope it doesn't take too long! eeesh.

Shanna and I are slowly but surely fixing our relationship. It makes me happy that we're both being mature about everything and not making the whole distancing situation a larger deal then it needs to be. I understand the situation and I can only hope that she does too.

School is this Wednesday (8/22). I am very much looking forward to it and pumped to do my best. Wish me luck.

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 00:23:00 GMT

I'm so thankful, lucky, and content right now.
Today has been the first non-humid/nice day in over a month. I was so pleased that I wasn't soaked in sweat once I got to work.
Speaking of which, I've decided to keep my job at Journeys. I will be working two jobs this fall and am alright with that. Receiving 500$ in a two week period is going to be amazing.

I had a badass "party" (if you will) the other night. It was basically to celebrate Shanna's 19th birthday. I had all the people I love in one room - it was great.
I said I wanted to get hammered...and I did. I puked twice in Savanah's yard and once in my mom's bathroom. Success! Amazing pina coladas, friends, wine coolers up the ass, some dank, zombie movies, and Savanah's hot tub pretty much sums up that night. Two things pissed me off though. My dank and piece are MIA and also, HE was upset that I was too tired and drunk to fool around. I don't give a fuck if he saw couples cuddling and being cutesy all day and wanted some hardcore, sexual affection. No one should ever be that desperate to force someone that is extremely incoherent and hungover to have sexual relations with them. It's not just that...it's the fact that he tells me to stay away from guys who treat girls like meat. And he also tells me to have more respect for myself. I DO have incredible respect for myself. He is the perfect example of who he tells me to stay away from. It pisses me off that I thought I could see myself happy with him.

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 22:57:22 GMT

Dan's dad has until Thursday. His last words were, "I'm home."
My mom is leaving for Arkansas tomorrow morning. I unfortunately will not be going with because training for my new job starts on Wednesday.

Earlier today my mom had a mammogram. More calcium is building up on her right breast and looks cancerous. They immediately scheduled her for a biopsy next week. I am scared but know things will be okay.

He initiated conversation today after I said, "text/call tomorrow if you're at all interested" last night. I'm happy with that.

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 07:50:44 GMT

In order to get attention from guys, I have to be a floozy. Since I'm done being one...I get no attention from guys. nada. zip. zero.
It hurts. Really. I have never had an official boyfriend before. I have never been on the verge of truly liking someone, even.
This is all bullshit. I'm one month away from turning 18 years old. I don't need to feel this way.
Er. But really, honestly, truly...I am lonely.

I hate PMS'ing. LOL

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 16:53:13 GMT

This weekend was bomb. My mom left for Arkansas and left the house to me. Friday night Lauren, Mike and Ryan came over. We smoked hookah and cigars. Lauren and Mike went to bed and left Ryan and me alone. I enjoyed talking to that kid. Ryan left around 6:30am. I went swimming with my sister and Jayla that morning. It was fun. Later that day I went to go see the Simpsons Movie. I'm buying that shit when it comes out!! "ohmygod"

Sunday beat every summer day I have ever had. Lauren, Savanah, Mike and I went to the Sox game at Cellular Field. Even though the Sox lost, I enjoyed the experience. I had never been to a national league sports game before. The atmosphere was so great. I loved my italian sausage.
Since the game ended earlier than what we had thought, we decided to kill some time in the city. Lauren wanted to show the three of us Loyola's campus where she will be attending this fall. It's a very cute campus and it comforts me that there is a lot of security. My baby girl is going to Chicago...eeeek. We walked a few blocks down towards this tiny beach off of Lake Michigan. Probably the least crowded and cutest beach I've been to. The sand was so clean and the water was beautiful. We all rolled up our pants and walked along the beach until we couldn't take the temptation of emerging ourselves in the lake anymore. Holding hands and running full speed into the water fully clothed was amazing. We spent a good hour and a half there. Aside from our sopping wet clothes and fish smell, I had a fucking blast. We drove back home in our underwear giggling. Once we got home the thought of chinese food excited us. So we made a trip to Silver Lake. Food was great and the smiles on my three best friends was even greater. Back at Lauren's house, we ordered Reno 911 on On Demand. It was okay. We made ice cream sundaes (which were fucking amazing). Savanah, you missed out big time.

Last night (Monday) was incredible. I went over to Savanah's to chill with her in her hot tub. I made the suggestion to jump in her pool even though the water was probably 60 degrees. It felt nice. To make that experience even more enjoyable we took our bathing suit tops off. Skinny dipping ftw! We made a late night trip to Wendys to get some grade A grub shortly after ;) I love Savanah. I never knew I could love her this much to be honest. She always felt like one of those friends you can be close with but to never let them into your life completely, you know? After this past month I've realized that she is one of the most incredible human beings I've ever had the honor to know. She accepts me for who I am and doesn't judge me whatsoever. I can be my complete self around her and know that she enjoys who I really am.
I lost a friend recently and gained someone 100x more amazing. That's how I roll. ilovelife.

GOOD NEWSSSS. I've only been working for a year. I have two shoe store jobs under my belt and am already tired of retail. I am much more capable of doing something that will benefit me more greatly than getting experience from working behind a register. I applied at Focas Hair Salon in St. Charles and had my interview today for the receptionist job. The interview was short and sweet. Ms. Wake (co-owner) interviewed me and right away implied that I would be perfect for the job. All of the current receptionists are going back to college in two weeks and Focas is in need of new hires. I don't feel as if hiring me was a desperate move on their part. I fit the image of the salon, am outgoing, and am responsible enough to handle whatever they throw at me. Tomorrow I will be getting a call to let me know my new schedule. Unfortunately I will have to put my two weeks notice in at Journeys right before "back to school" sales. I don't care though to be completely honest. Of course I feel like a dick, but I have been given a great opportunity to take a step up in the job world. It's only a receptionist job, but it will look good to have on my resume when I want to go into cosmetology. I am so excited. $8 an hour and 20 hours a week will do me so good! At Journeys, I make $120 every two weeks. In only one week at Focas I will be making roughly $160. Hallelujah.

Speaking of jobs and such... I have decided that I am going to a four year college in the fall of 2008. I will major in Psychology and minor in Criminal Science. Fuck yea.

If you read all of this, feel the need to comment. Thanks ;)

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 07:02:49 GMT

This sore throat of mine never seems to go away. As many cough drops I take to numb the pain, the achy feeling lingers. I am upset at the realization that the pain is soon to come back. Relief is in far away and I'm left to suffer.

I am lonely.